Tags
children, dad, daddy, family, father, fear, kids, love, parenting, parents, relationship, relationships, respect
RESPECT
Fear and Respect 22-January-2012
A lot of people will/would probably disagree with me on this issue. Or at least, by looking around the world we live in, it would seem that way. In any case, I wanted to define these terms the way I see them for the purposes of making a separate point.
Fear: It’s always instilled by force. You can’t earn it and nobody wants it. It’s the baser of these two terms, in fact elementary compared to Respect. It’s simple in concept, and instilling it is a relatively quick and easy thing to do. People have no end of fears. You can make people fear getting fired. You can make them fear violence even if there is no real threat of it. Sometimes people are afraid of things you don’t even mean for them to fear. No matter how you look at it though, fear is a real, true, and legitimate motivator. One simple word or phrase, or a brief display of power can instill fear. Basic.
Respect: It can only be earned. You cannot force anyone to Respect you. It’s hard to earn and everyone wants it. It’s a very complex concept because so many different people respect so many different things. It takes a very long time to earn respect, all the while also very fragile in that it can be lost quickly with a simple word or phrase, or a brief display of a number of things. You can earn respect lots of ways. Sometimes you try and try and eventually you get the respect you wanted. Sometimes people respect things you had no idea would earn you respect from them. All too often we do many things that are worthy of respect, yet sometimes even the most respectworthy things go unrespected. Complex.
A lot of people seem to confuse the two. Fear and Respect. All the way from individuals to governments to entire societies… if you’re physically abusive to someone, they don’t respect you. They fear you. If someone looks you in the eye and says, “I respect you.” …well, they probably don’t fear you. For me it’s relatively black and white. I know the difference between someone that respects me and someone who fears me. And while I do strive for respect the majority of the time, I’m also not discounting the effectiveness of fear. If you mess with my kids for example, you won’t find me trying to earn your respect …and you’re likely to end up afraid of me. But that’s a last resort in my world, in my book. Instilling fear is a short term solution for situations that do not have the luxury of the time it takes to build respect.
Those that respect you will interact with you. Through interaction you get mutual understanding, and through that you get a whole jackpot of other things. Complex. Respect is to some extent a relationship, while fear is very one-sided. Those who fear you will not interact with you. They will do as you tell them, or they will avoid you. Basic. It’s very important to match your intended goal with the avenue you take to get there.
Even though I want to paint this as black and white just to make a point, I know it isn’t. People that respect you a great deal might also fear you at least a little. Those who fear you a great deal may also respect you at least a little. I’m speaking here more about situations based solely on fear or solely on respect.
Since those who fear you will not interact with you, you’ll never truly know them. You’ll never know whether they’re agreeing with your heart or if they’re just agreeing with your words because they’re afraid to disagree. You probably won’t know them at all. It snowballs too. The longer they fear you, the less they respect you. The less they respect you, the slimmer the chances are of a relationship ever developing.
Sometimes I think that people who want to instill only fear without any attempt to earn respect are actually filled with fear themselves. Afraid of being unworthy of respect. But that’s just what I think.
Here’s the easy part. The people you love, and who love you, deserve your respect, and deserve for you to work to earn their respect. Love can exist with or without fear, and with or without respect. However, love that exists in the face of fear alone… will one day part ways with the source of the fear, no matter how deep the love, or how great the fear…
Cheers from The ThreeFiveZero Respect
